There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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