Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
