Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Your penis caused this!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
