and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
