yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
