Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
