My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
