I'm drive I can fine osifer
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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