I wanna bring you to show and tell
Someone shit on the floor
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
