I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
