epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
