Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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