She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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