i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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