dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
