What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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