At least make sure they are 18
Why
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
