She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
