Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
