Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
