i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
