C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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