He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
