Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
