Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
