That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
