Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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