I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
