So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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