somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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