Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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