If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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