I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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