Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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