VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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