if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
