Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
