I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
