I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
