Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
