Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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