Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
