mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
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You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
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I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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