My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
