Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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