do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
