Cold hands, warm shart.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you would pick up someone in the library
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't turn off my feet"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
