I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
