Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
