its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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