He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
