four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
