I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
