woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
