i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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