He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Alive.
So much puke
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
