i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
