I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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