i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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