Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
